Esther is turning six and grade one is looming around the corner. I say looming because what was once clear in my mind is not so very clear anymore.

Context:

I was home schooled from grades 7-12. I didn’t like it very much at all. Notice, I didn’t say it wasn’t beneficial for me. However, I always promised myself that I would never home school my kids. This past year Naomi and I decided to home school Esther for Kindergarten. It ended up being a wonderful experience for both of them. I figured no big deal. Kindergarten isn’t mandatory anyways, so no big deal.

However grade one is the real deal. This is official. I have been quite adamant about my stance with Naomi, and I have had to ask for forgiveness on a couple occasions because I have been a little over the top in my attitudes and responses back to her.

Dilemma:

I’m actually starting to lean towards homeschooling. Amazingly and frustratingly I think that is the educational route we as a family are potentially suppose to take. It’s frustrating, because I still have my stubborn pre-determined opinions, but my heart is slowly changing.  So, what would you do? Or, what did you do?

Just for clarity:

We have no issues with our educational systems, no political agendas, just a passion to raise godly children. And we are still discerning God’s will for our family. No decision has been made yet.

Being a parent is much more difficult than I ever thought, but I love it!

When I was a child and living at home, I remember getting grounded, spanked, chastised, given the “you disappoint me line” when I “talked backed” to my parents.  I course then proceeded to pout and rationalize that they just didn’t know what was best for me. Besides telling a lie, talking back was a definite “no, no” in the Herbold household.  Now that I have kids of my own, and I love them to pieces, but there are very few things that can upset me as quickly as them talking back to me. And afterwards they of course pout just like I did when they don’t get their way. I realize I have a serious lack of patience, and God is using them to work on me, but seriously, sometimes I feel like putting my head, or someones, through a wall. (I said I feel like that, not that I actually do that to anyone. )

While reading in Romans 9 today God reminded me that I sometimes, just as my kids, pout, and talk back to God when i don’t get my way.  Romans 9:20-24.

“But who are you O man, to talk back to God? Shall what is formed say to Him who formed it, “why did you make me like this?”

I am so thankful that He is much more patient with me than I am with my kids.  I’m working on it with His  help and strength and asking for forgiveness from Esther and Judah as I walk this journey with them. Most days I think that I am learning more about life from parenting than my kids are by my parenting.

What is God saying to you?

Here is the same passage taken from the Message. (This helps view the passage in a slightly different light)

Who in the world do you think you are to second-guess God? Do you for one moment suppose any of us knows enough to call God into question? Clay doesn’t talk back to the fingers that mold it, saying, “Why did you shape me like this?” Isn’t it obvious that a potter has a perfect right to shape one lump of clay into a vase for holding flowers and another into a pot for cooking beans? If God needs one style of pottery especially designed to show his angry displeasure and another style carefully crafted to show his glorious goodness, isn’t that all right?

I have been reflecting on the special moments when my kids look at me. I thought a quick video would be a good reminder for me the next time I don’t pay attention to the depth behind each expression my child shares with me. During the process God met me. I love how He interrupts our journey to speak and remind us of truth. For me it was that even though I quickly forget the special moments He gives me with my kids, He has never forgotten anyone of the expressions of my face when I look to Him. He is faithful, He sees me, enjoys me, is proud of me, and loves to laugh with me. He has never forgotten.

I hope that my kids will always know how much their dad loved and loves them and that he treasures every moment with them.

I trust that He will also encourage and remind you of special moments with Him and others.

A big shout out to Carlos Whittaker and this post. It was the still images in his video that started me down this road…