unbridledsubmission.com

Read Time: 10 Minutes (Please share your comments)

So I have been thinking about this idea of “experience.”  Culture is seems obsessed by it actually. And by experience I mean feeling some kind of ownership in the process, the conversation regarding the topic at hand. One of the reasons why facebook and Twitter have emerged so rapidly is because they provide not only a voice, but an opportunity for dialogue. Not just messages but conversations. I think of those auto response emails one gets online saying, “don’t respond to this email because no one will read it.” While there are definite times and reasons for these kind of emails to be used, but the example is indicative of what culture does not want. Don’t send me a message, lets dialogue about this. This value has played out most recently in the area of management training, team building training, etc. There have been countless books on how to lead well, how to create trust, team building, most of which centers on creating an environment where an employee feels as if they are heard and responded to. The difference today vs 5-10 years ago is that now culture as a whole not only wishes for this but is starting expect it as well. ie the it’s not just the employees that need this, customers now do as well, and I believe more so as we head farther into the future. Personally I believe this is a good thing. Primarily because I love change, but there is always value to me in action stemming from dialogue. While thinking about my desire for action, I realize that I think there is some ambiguity around the word and expectation of experience. When talking about creating an “experience” sometimes people are talking about different things. Primarily I believe there are two important factors and many subsets of considerations, but two things are paramount, in my opinion.

1. Don’t Send me a message, have a conversation. The old model of communication was a monologue. The position of authority was given the “right” to speak. If you weren’t in that position, you had the “right” to listen. I realize that is overly harsh, but am just trying to make a point comparing differences years make in how we communicate, feel worth and feel engaged, which ultimately comes down to being valued as an employee, customer and ultimately human being. I recently read a quote defining “dialogue” on one of the most read articles about social media currently on the web. It said, “Dialogue is transparent, inclusive, authentic, vibrant, consumer-driven. It is Not, controlled, organized, exclusive, product-driven, and on-message.” Simply put, participating in dialogue, as defined above, creates valued “experience” for your colleague, employee, customer and fellow neighbours. And as a side not, but a very important one, transparent means that others can view, comment and join the conversation at any time. Why is that, because millennials, Gen Y’ers care very much what their friends think.  While one on one, intimate conversations are still very important, the credibility to have those conversations comes out of the global transparent conversation.

2. Share the activity. This is what well run organizations and leaders have done well (for the most part) over the past many decades. What I believe is great is that organizations, leaders who engage in the above point of having vibrant, transparent conversations now have the right to call people to action. But as more and more companies, non-profits, etc are finding out that it is becoming harder and harder to call people to action without first having the dialogue. A dialogue that empowers people in the process and outcomes.

Next Steps and Comments.

Some of these next thoughts are borrowed from the presentation Gary Hamel gave at Leadership Summit.

• You’re either going forward or backwards, you’re not standing still. Most organizations end up shackled to one model, when it atrophies so does the organization. (Are you changing how you communicate and create experiences for your audience? If not are you slowly dying?)
• An organization often misses the future because its unpalatable. Deal with the future by facing the facts. Learn from the dialogue, acquire a new taste. One can still eat healthy even if you are cooking with different spices. (I’m not saying to change your values, doctrine, mission, etc. How you deliver, from generation of ideas to implementation most likely could use a facelift)
• Listen to the renegades. Humility is not only a virtue it is also a survival strategy.
• Look at everything you do and ask, “What hasn’t changed in 3-5 years.”

As you know, I am a pastor and besides being passionate about leadership and faith i am passionate about the local church. I absolutely love it. However a common knock on “church” is that it often lags the change process by approximately 10 years. I realize there are different opinions on if the church should change, how fast, etc, etc. I’m all for solid, conservative Christian doctrine, but I am all for trying new ways to engage not only culture but the people sitting in the pews week in and week out. In my own context we are trying to push the boundaries, it is a process that does take time, must be walked out carefully as change is always a process. However i am passionate about unleashing the shared creativity and generating innovation on a large scale and dialogueing about what could be.

So here are some comments from Gary regarding church specifically. Agree or disagree?

• Every organization is filled with orthodoxies. We’re in a race to uncover and challenge our orthodoxies. if they stand up great, if not what will you do?
• If things haven’t changed in 3-5 years is it because we have explored other options or because we are stuck in tradition.
• Compare yourself to other churches. Are you doing things differently (unique to your culture) or are you doing the things the same.
• Why is church a lecture not a discussion? (how do you see a discussion taking place?)
• Top down structures will not last.
• God expects us to be unconventional in how we do His work.
• Every idea gets a fair chance (is this a reality in your church?)
• Participatory, open source need to be the norm.
• The early church was institutionally weak, we need to try disorganized communities. (I would argue this needs to be part of the organized movement. ie how does a mega church adopt this? Not just have it be a cell model?)
• Our churches need to be the most vibrant, resilient and adaptable institutions in the world. God doesn’t have a plan B. The church is it.

So as a pastor, a leader, a humble servant of Christ. How are you playing this out in your life. I’d love to hear on what you disagree with. Examples of how this does or does not work, both personally, organizationally, etc, etc.

I do have some reservations on some of the points above, but overall in my opinion I’m all for trying something new. Then again, i always have been. Personally, as a leader wherever you are, do you feel like you lose some “power” in the above model. If I’m honest, I feel a sense of “loss” when I think of some of the potential outcomes. I would argue that is the selfishness inside of me. Yet I am very excited about the potential gains. A last thought from Gary.

“The leaders job today is less vision, command,and control and more focused on mobilizing, connecting and supporting.

Honestly the above comment played out makes me feel like “less” of a leader. Perhaps that is the problem, leaders actually like the power. The greatest leader, Jesus said, “just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve…” Matthew 20:28

You should follow me on Twitter here

Barack Obama is considered by some as the most persuasive person currently alive. Whether he is or not I’m not sure, but persuasion and being persuasive is definitely a unique ability.

The more I read the more I realize I love books backed up by analytical research. The more I read those books, the more I am drawn and extremely intrigued by the psychology of how and why people act and how that relates to leadership and real world application.  Just like Barack Obama, natural leaders are often considered to be very persuasive.

To persuade means “To induce to believe by appealing to reason or understanding. To convince.” While reading recently I found a tip on how to be persuasive as per Benjamin Franklin. What I found out was quite interesting. Namely that one doesn’t have to “convince or even appeal to reason” to be persuasive in some instances. For many of us this is good news. Let me explain.

Benjamin Franklin is considered by many to be a genius. He excelled at almost everything including being a publisher, scientist, inventor and politician to name a few. But it might be how he handled opposition, hostility from other politicians a so called enemy you could almost say that was perhaps his best “genius” moment. Like all breakthroughs it is the courage and plain old guts to approach a situation differently that produces different results. Franklin describes the situation with his political nemesis, his adversarial opposition and how he “won” him over:

I did not, however, aim at gaining his favor by paying any servile respect to him, after some time, took this other method. Having heard that he had in his library a certain very scarce and curious book, I wrote a note to him, expressing my desire of perusing that book, and requesting he would do me that favor of lending it to me for a few days. He sent it immediately, and I returned it about a week later with a note expressing my deep sense of the favour. When we met next in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before) and with great civility; and he ever manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions, so that we became great friends, and our friendship continued to his death. This is another instance of the truth of an old maxim I had learned, which says, “He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another, than he whom you yourself have obliged.”

I found this quote extremely interesting. Especially in the beginning were he says he didn’t pay him any respect (now I don’t agree with that, I think one should always be respectful) however his approach at becoming persuasive, at shifting the relationship from hostile to ally was by asking him for a favour. I think this tactic goes extremely against our natural inclinations. Example, when was the last time you asked for a favour from an “enemy” from a hostile relationship with someone with whom you never speak with. Bizarre approach, but yet it worked. So, as I mentioned earlier I love analytical research so where is the study to back this up? Well Jecker J. and Landy D. researched this in 1969 called ” Liking a person as a function of doing him a favor. (Human Relations 22:371-78)

In the study participants won some money from the experimenters. Group A was immediately asked to return the winnings because the experimenter was poor and was using his person money. (Interestingly, virtually everyone agreed to return the money, but thats for other studies) Group B was not asked anything after the experiment. Afterwards all participants were anonymously surveyed about “How much they liked the experimenter.” Amazingly, the findings proved Franklins assumption. Those who were asked to do a favour for the experimenter, even though it cost them their winnings, viewed the experimenter much more favorably than those that did not have to do any favour. Why one might ask?

Other studies show strong connections between peoples actions, their behaviours, and their attitudes. Noah Goldstein in his book on scientifically ways to be persuasive says, “People are strongly motivated to change their attitudes in ways that are consistent with their behaviour.”

There are many possible outcomes and real life applications from this study. Being a pastor who is in charge of facilitating community and creating environments for dialogue and interaction I find this study fascinating. Fascinating because “making friends” resolving perceived conflict or hostile opposition is perceived as such a difficult thing to do.  Franklin shows us that one of the easiest ways to make a friend of an enemy, or even simply a friend, is to ask a favour of them. Often people delay asking anything of a perceived “enemy” or opposition member, or a yet unknown person because of the idea that it will make the situation worse. We will somehow be annoying the more. Politically, what are some potential implications of real world enemies? Could some issues perhaps be resolved just by asking a favour. Could it really be that simple? My gut says no, but then again have we even tried such a simple, “illogical” idea? How about hostile board members? How about in your neighbourhood or new work environment? People often find it difficult to start relationships. Instead of stressing about it next time, just ask them for a favour. Selfishly, you get help, of some sort, and the strong potential for friendship, even life long friendship as was the case with Benjamin Franklin.

Just some thoughts…what you think?

You should follow me on Twitter here

It’s amazing how fast your trivial concerns will disappear.Ok, so this might irritate, agitate, or even be a relief for some to hear. Feel free to agree or disagree. First off I don’t like listening to or hearing whining and I hate it when I do it. Even its definition invokes annoyance, especially when I think of “nasally complaining”  ugh.  :)  ”to utter a low, usually nasal, complaining cry or sound.” Before I go any further let me share some context.

Over the past 3 weeks my good friend Rob Chartrand, Senior Associate at Beulah Alliance Church has been preaching on being “True Faced” He did a great job and you can also check out his blog here. This past week, part three of the series, he spoke on “identity” and the reality that very few people know our identities. He spoke on the need to be vulnerable, to share who we really are, the good and the bad, and to trust the community around you. To allow them to walk with you. On the way home his sermon started a dialogue between Naomi and I. Let me explain.

Rob shared a story about a young girl he knew for a long time. She seemed happy, full of life, the joy of the party. It took years, but eventually she revealed her true identity. She was abused, raped and hardly knew who she was let alone that she was loved. There is a happy ending in that she was restored and now helps children going through similar struggles. We just debated the various nuances of why it took so “long” for her to let people know her “true” identity. Now I realize there are tons of reasons and much better ones than this, but we started discussing that perhaps people delay because of how annoying the people are who consistently complain. Or as I like to say, consistently whine. Now, I am a go get ‘em kinda guy. I’m not talking about drive, life circumstance, etc. I’m just talking about that some people need to whine week in and week out and perhaps those who have much more serious issues in their lives don’t want to share because they don’t want to be considered a complainer or whiner. Because just think about how annoying the complainers sound to those with major life issues that are walking alone.

Now on to our thought on that drive home.

Yes, please be “True Faced” and be willing to be vulnerable and allow me, others and/or the church to walk with you. Being vulnerable and walking with a community is NOT whining. It is extremely important for all of us to do. So if you have hurts, bottled up pain, please be brave and share, this post is NOT about you.

Now for the current and future complainers. Sunday is not the place for you to come week in and week out to whine, complain, view life through doom and gloom glasses. You have an inheritance far greater than you can imagine. Those with Christ have reason to be concerned with the world around them and trials that come their way. I realize that everyone goes through periods of life when we just whine. I’ve done it and will most likely do it again. But please someone, in love, tell me to smarten up and stop whining. Being true faced in this instant is to say, “I’m sorry God, I’m having a hard time being thankful. Please forgive me, I’m not trusting you. Please allow only wholesome and uplifting talk come out of my mouth. Friends, church, if I ever start complaining hear me out, once. After that please hold me accountable to start trusting God. Help me to see the good to be thankful.

Being true faced is being vulnerable and allowing people to walk with me, to hold me accountable.

True Faced is not permission for me to gripe week in and week out.

I hope I have loving and comitted friends who will be able to hold me accountable when I am just whining and using that as a cover from becoming truly “true faced.” Simply am I sharing hardship in order to be vulnerable and allow accountability & support into my life or am I complaining just to complain, to gain sympathy, to find someone to validate my bad attitude. Trials are a reality to walk and journey with together. Whiners don’t seem to want to start the journey to change, they just want a partner, preferrably another whiner.

James 1:2-3 – Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.

You can listen to Rob’s sermons here.

Any thoughts? Am I way off? Feel free to agree or disagree. Just sharing a car conversation that I have still been thinking about.

You should follow me on Twitter here

I am a huge fan of knowing and using your strengths. Not your physical muscles but the intangible things that make you who you are. There are countless surveys, assessments and personality tests one can take. I have listed two of my favorites that I use and have my teams use.

1. Strength Finder:In my opinion this is one of the best tools and assessments you can take. When you purchase the book “Now Discover your Strengths” you receive a code that can be used for the Clifton Strength Finder assessment. If you are at all wondering how to best find out some of your strengths and how to start using them read the book and take the assessment. I sue this with all staff and volunteers that work with me. In my opinion this is a must use.

My top 5 Strengths Are: Competition, Analytical, Activator, Command and Significance. View a description of these strengths by clicking here.

2. APEST: Not only are your strengths important but also understanding your spiritual gifts and the often over looked ministry style of the five fold ministry found in Ephesians 4. The APEST assessment is a profiling instrument designed to assist you in finding your ministry style in relation to the philosophy of the fivefold ministry of Ephesians 4 (Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Shepherds, Teachers). Put another way APEST is an online, formative, self-assessment designed to measures an individual’s current ministry motivation and expression in ministry settings. As a result, APEST leads one to new areas of learning and integration for increased ministry engagement. APEST provides a quantified result to identify one’s current place for influence within a larger community. They even offer a 360 assessment to do with your team. You can read an article by @Alan Hirschon this assessment tool and leadership here

My APEST Percentage Score is: Prophetic (44%) Apostolic (33%) Teaching (28%) Evangelistic (17%) Shepherding (7%)

My APEST 360 Review Came Out as: Prophetic(34%) Apostolic (33%) Evangelistic (24%) Teaching (21%) Shepherding (14%)

View my APEST definitions summary by clicking here.

So, what are your strengths? Care to share?  I find this fascinating and think its a great tool to use.

As a side note, I believe that strengths based hiring is often overlooked in favour of ability and skill.  While skills are obviously important, they can also be taught. In my opinion, many openings would be better filled if first we ask, “What strengths do we need for this position?”

Thoughts?

You should follow me on Twitter here

I love researching and finding tools and resources that add value to my life. That means, for me at least they, they make life easier, more efficient, add value to some area, or just plain old more enjoyable.

So my first post in the “Things I Use” section is about Quicken Online. While not a super new tool it is one that is often overlooked.  I am always on the lookout for good financial software that makes budgeting and tracking of finances easy.  Finding “easy” in personal finance is tough. As smart and intuitive they say software is suppose to be it really isn’t.  In the US they have a great online tool in Mint.com.  However as many US tools go, this doesn’t work for us Canadians.  However Quicken Online does work.

Here are some quick highlights on why I use it:        Oh it’s also FREE!

#1 Canadians can use it. (just put in a fake ZIP code when signing up. I used “12345″

#2 It integrates extremely easy.

#3 It’s online. I know this makes some nervous. I am completely comfortable and at ease with their security measures and love that I can access this wherever I go.

#4 They even have an iphone app to track things via your mobile phone.

#5 It is very intuitive. Personally, behind being compatible for Canadians, this is the biggest reason I like this service.

#6 Simply tracks trends so that you can very easily see where you are spending, or over spending as is often the case.

#7 Quicken has done a great job at making the whole experience easy with very minimal setup. (To open an account takes approx. 5 minutes. To initially go through your downloaded transactions may take an hour. After that it more or less runs on automatic as it learns very quickly where you spend your money)

Tracking your finances is, in my opinion, very important. Not only does it help identify where we overspend, but on a deeper life issue it can very quickly identify priorities and values we hold. These of course can be great and not so great. Since I’m all about personal growth I think you will find this tool helpful in more was than one.

If you use other tools, please share. The more resources people can have on this the better.

You should follow me on Twitter here