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Do you ever have times when you get pretty down on yourself? You doubt your ability, you start to believe lies about yourself. I know I do every once in awhile. Below is what I remind myself of when it happens, and thankfully, the more I remind myself and stay in Scripture, the less it happens.

Almost a year ago I read Vicki Kuyper”s book Wonderlust. One of the chapters talked about her taking the epic hike to Machu Picchu. She felt very self conscious about her ability to keep pace with the team, she ended up always being the last one. In her effort to try and keep pace with the others, she was starting to lose strength, courage to keep going and confidence in her ability to accomplish the task.

I can’t help but compare myself to others. One of my main strength’s is competition and significance. It’s part of who I am, it helps me be great at certain things, but it also haunts me on many occasions. My focus can easily change to trying to be someone else, striving hard to do what they do. I end up doing things that don’t come naturally to me, which then of course don’t have the results I was hoping for which then cause me to doubt who I am, and ultimately & indirectly doubt who God made me.

Ouch! Did you catch that? I end up telling God, indirectly, but He hears it loud and clear, “You messed up God, I’m missing something, I’m not that good, I can’t accomplish the passions you’ve given me, so somehow you screwed up.”

I’ve come to realize there are 2 truths that I need to remind myself of when I start to believe this lie.

1. Be Patient.

If there is one thing I consistently struggle at it is patience. When it comes to my life direction and goals, my lack of patience is almost always a direct result of me comparing myself to others. My impatience, and lack of thankfulness, almost always comes when I start to compare finances, ministry reach, fame, authors who write so incredibly well, dads who are super creative, etc, etc. (whatever it may be for you)

Vicky, in her book Wonderlust finishes her Machu Picchu story by sharing that when she was about to quit the trek her guide, Manolo, walked back down to her and said, ” You have been working so hard trying to keep up with everyone else. You’ve pushed yourself to walk at their pace and not your own. Right now you need to learn the walk of the patient one. It isn’t called this because others have to be patient with you. It’s because you have to learn to be patient with yourself. It’s not about being first, it’s about enjoying the journey. It will feel slow at first, but you will keep moving forward and you will regain your strength.” I appreciate the advice Manolo.

2. You Really Can’t & Believe and have Faith That God Can Through You

Most of us know the truth that we really can’t accomplish the God given passions without God. Yet, at least for me, we still try and do it on our own. We get impatient, forge ahead and then complain when it doesn’t work out. Beth Moore (yup, I’m an interim womens Pastor too) reminded me of an interesting truth the other day. She said,(with my paraphrase) “the Israelites “sin” when they wandered in the dessert wasn’t that they didn’t believe God could do miracles. They saw Him do it every day. Mana in the morning, quail at night, water gushing out of a rock, walking across the bottom of a great sea, pillar of smoke and fire, etc, etc. Their sin was that they didn’t believe God could work through them as they entered the promised land.” They were afraid of the giants that God said they were suppose to conquer, because they didn’t believe He would and could through them.

So after I calm down, after I stop sending indirect and subtle outbursts to God, after I stop questioning His plan and purpose I’m thankfully still  left with a small voice in my head reminding me yet again of the plans and purposes He has for me. I’m also convicted and realize yet again, my need for forgiveness. So, I’m still learning to believe, have faith the He can, will and, incredibly, even wants to accomplish His plan through me. So here I sit, still working on patience, and believing in His promise to accomplish through me….how humbling

4 Steps to reading this post. (Yup, this requires some time and work)

• Read 2 Peter chapter 1. (ESV version of this text is here)
• Check out the awesome 6 minute video from Granger Community church below.
• Re-read 2 Peter chapter 1. (ESV version of this text is here)
• Write down what stuck out for you. Meditate on that this week and act accordingly.

For me, this is what I loved, felt challenged by, and what stuck out to me:

• A great history lesson on Nero, the burning of Rome and how the Christians suffered because of it.
• Incredible context on 1&2 Peter. (I will never read these books the same way again)
• A good reminder that I have never had it “that bad.” That was incredible suffering they endured for Christ’s sake.
• I love Peter’s passion to be constantly reminding other believer’s of the faith, hope, and power we have through Christ.(2 peter 12-14)
• To also share and be a “reminder” of Christ’s good news to others. (it’s funny to me how easy it is to separate being a disciple and disciple maker)

So, what stuck out to you?

So I’m sitting home alone, I just took a nap and feel like crap. However, my foggy head is starting to clear. A good cup of Starbucks helps with that. I’m feeling quite reflective at the moment and am missing Naomi and the kids.

So this past new years I caught myself staring out the window praying and asking God for what He thought I should focus on in the coming year. I felt like he said, “people”. In my mind I replied back to Him and said, “but God that’s my job, that’s what I already do every day. My whole job description is about people.” And yet it felt like He just said, “focus on who they are, who i have made & called them to be. Pray that you would see them as I see them. Be more intentional. Don’t be so rushed always.” I agreed and didn’t think much further about it, except that I would try and do so.

This past Monday I went and saw Avatar with my sister. Fresh off of my conversation with God I was struck by the phrase “I See you.” The Na’vi, when they meet each other, greet each other with the phrase “I see you.” Of course they physically see each other, but to the characters in the movie there was a much deeper meaning.  There was this understanding, a shared empathy between both individuals, a recognition of sameness (why they greeted Jake that way even before he was fully Na’vi), an acknowledgment of the divine.

While I don’t want to get carried away with over analyzing a plain ole fun movie to watch. It did serve to remind me to fully “see” people as God see’s them. Deeply loved, full of promise, unworthy of Christ’s grace and still the great potential to be called sons and daughter’s of the most high God. So, a good reminder for me to see people not as “us vs them” or “me and you” but see you as Christ see’s both of us.  Simply, the same. Unworthy, yet patiently loved beyond measure. I don’t have that perspective nearly often enough.

So, there’s my New Years resolution for 2010. Praying to have His eyes.

INTRO

I find that a deep, consistent prayer life is very difficult to sustain and even engage in.  God made me to be a doer, a lover of crossing off the items on my list. I’m someone who loves to achieve. When I pray about something, I’m usually already acting out my solution as I’m praying.  Simply, I find it difficult to be still.  During our staff chapel this week we walked through the Jesuit tradition of “The Examen of Consciousness.” While any traditions can be taken to an extreme I found the exercise helpful and thought I would explain the steps in 4 different blog posts of the next couple days. Information used from the Jesuit Society of Jesus.

Step #2: Examination. Spend A Moment Looking Over your Day With Gratitude. You can read Step 1 here.

Be concrete with this step and let special moments or events spring to mind. This is also called the step of Examination. Simply put, “Today, in what ways have you experienced God’s love and grace?” What are your intentions today? If you love coffee, remember the smell of it, the taste of good food, children laughing, a beautiful smile, a word of encouragement, a thought that came from God. A key component of this step is to take stock of what you gave and received. For those doers out there this step can be easy to skip and go straight to the action item or next steps. Force yourself to only reflect. Thank God for favors you have received and the permanent gifts in your life. Recall how He has given you strength in specific circumstances over the last day. To laugh in the midst of difficulty, for family, friends, the smile of your child’s face as you come home. As you move through the big and small details, give thanks for how He sustains you and for His presence in and through it all.

Simple Next Step: Practice only reflecting for 3-5 minutes.

I would encourage you to take only 4 minutes, perhaps even right now, and take whatever steps you need to calm your mind and spirit and reflect on the large and small favors He has given to you. Lord show me what has been happening to me and in me this day.

What Did You Think/Experience?

What were you made aware of during your 4 mins?

Did it feel like a long time?

Did God remind you of some thought or idea?

Did the exercise feel “weird?